How to Calm Down: 22 Things to Do When You’re Anxious or Angry (2023)

Here are some helpful, actionable tips you can try the next time you need to calm down.

1. Breathe

“Breathing is the number one and most effective technique for reducing anger and anxiety quickly,” says Scott Dehorty, LCSW-C, of Delphi Behavioral Health.

When you’re anxious or angry, you tend to take quick, shallow breaths. Dehorty says this sends a message to your brain, causing a positive feedback loop reinforcing your fight-or-flight response. That’s why taking long, deep calming breaths disrupts that loop and helps you calm down.

There are various breathing techniques to help you calm down. One is three-part breathing. Three-part breathing requires you to take one deep breath in and then exhale fully while paying attention to your body.

Once you get comfortable with deep breathing, you can change the ratio of inhalation and exhalation to 1:2 (you slow down your exhalation so that it’s twice as long as your inhalation).

Practice these techniques while calm so you know how to do them when you’re anxious.

2. Admit that you’re anxious or angry

Allow yourself to say that you’re anxious or angry. When you label how you’re feeling and allow yourself to express it, the anxiety and anger you’re experiencing may decrease.

3. Challenge your thoughts

Part of being anxious or angry is having irrational thoughts that don’t necessarily make sense. These thoughts are often the “worse-case scenario.” You might find yourself caught in the “what if” cycle, which can cause you to sabotage a lot of things in your life.

(Video) Box breathing relaxation technique: how to calm feelings of stress or anxiety

When you experience one of these thoughts, stop and ask yourself the following questions:

  • Is this likely to happen?
  • Is this a rational thought?
  • Has this ever happened to me before?
  • What’s the worst that can happen? Can I handle
    that?

After you go through the questions, it’s time to reframe your thinking. Instead of “I can’t walk across that bridge. What if there’s an earthquake, and it falls into the water?” tell yourself: “There are people that walk across that bridge every day, and it has never fallen into the water.”

4. Release the anxiety or anger

Dehorty recommends getting the emotional energy out with exercise. “Go for a walk or run. [Engaging] in some physical activity [releases] serotonin to help you calm down and feel better.”

However, you should avoid physical activity that includes the expression of anger, such as punching walls or screaming.

“This has been shown to increase feelings of anger, as it reinforces the emotions because you end up feeling good as the result of being angry,” Dehorty explains.

5. Visualize yourself calm

This tip requires you to practice the breathing techniques you’ve learned. After taking a few deep breaths, close your eyes and picture yourself calm. See your body relaxed, and imagine yourself working through a stressful or anxiety-causing situation by staying calm and focused.

By creating a mental picture of what it looks like to stay calm, you can refer back to that image when you’re anxious.

6. Think it through

Have a mantra to use in critical situations. Just make sure it’s one that you find helpful. Dehorty says it can be, “Will this matter to me this time next week?” or “How important is this?” or “Am I going to allow this person/situation to steal my peace?”

This allows the thinking to shift focus, and you can “reality test” the situation.

“When we’re anxious or angry, we become hyper-focused on the cause, and rational thoughts leave our mind. These mantras give us an opportunity to allow rational thought to come back and lead to a better outcome,” Dehorty explains.

(Video) 6 Daily Habits to Reduce Stress & Anxiety

7. Change your focus

Leave the situation, look in another direction, walk out of the room, or go outside.

Dehorty recommends this exercise so you have time for better decision making. “We don’t do our best thinking when anxious or angry; we engage in survival thinking. This is fine if our life is really in danger, but if it isn’t life threatening, we want our best thinking, not survival instincts,” he adds.

8. Have a centering object

When you’re anxious or angry, so much of your energy is being spent on irrational thoughts. When you’re calm, find a “centering object” such as a small stuffed animal, a polished rock you keep in your pocket, or a locket you wear around your neck.

Tell yourself that you’re going to touch this object when you’re experiencing anxiety or frustration. This centers you and helps calm your thoughts. For example, if you’re at work and your boss is making you anxious, gently rub the locket around your neck.

9. Relax your body

When you’re anxious or angry, it can feel like every muscle in your body is tense (and they probably are). Practicing progressive muscle relaxation can help you calm down and center yourself.

To do this, lie down on the floor with your arms out by your side. Make sure your feet aren’t crossed and your hands aren’t in fists. Start at your toes and tell yourself to release them. Slowly move up your body, telling yourself to release each part of your body until you get to your head.

10. Drop your shoulders

If your body is tense, there’s a good chance your posture will suffer. Sit up tall, take a deep breath, and drop your shoulders. To do this, you can focus on bringing your shoulder blades together and then down. This pulls your shoulders down. Take a few deep breaths.

You can do this several times a day.

11. Identify pressure points to calm anger and anxiety

Going for a massage or getting acupuncture is a wonderful way to manage anxiety and anger. But it’s not always easy to find time in your day to make it happen. The good news is, you can do acupressure on yourself for instant anxiety relief.

This method involves putting pressure with your fingers or your hand at certain points of the body. The pressure releases the tension and relaxes your body.

(Video) How anxiety starts, and how to reduce anger, guilt and depression

One area to start with is the point where the inside of your wrist forms a crease with your hand. Press your thumb on this area for two minutes. This can help relieve tension.

If you’re short on time but need to calm down fast, these quick in-the-moment tips can help.

12. Get some fresh air

The temperature and air circulation in a room can increase your anxiety or anger. If you’re feeling tense and the space you’re in is hot and stuffy, this could trigger a panic attack.

Remove yourself from that environment as soon as possible and go outside — even if it’s just for a few minutes.

Not only will the fresh air help calm you down, but also the change of scenery can sometimes interrupt your anxious or angry thought process.

13. Fuel your body

Being hangry never helps. If you’re hungry or not properly hydrated, many relaxation techniques won’t work. That’s why it’s important to slow down and get something to eat — even if it’s just a small snack.

Try nibbling on some dark chocolate. Research shows it can help boost brain health and reduce stress.

(Video) 5 Things People With Anxiety Secretly Do Alone

Wash it down with a cup of green tea and honey. Studies show green tea can help reduce the body’s stress response. Research has found that honey can help relieve anxiety.

14. Chew gum

Chewing on a piece of gum can help reduce anxiety (and even boost mood and productivity). In fact, research shows people who chew gum regularly are typically less stressed than non-gum chewers.

15. Listen to music

The next time you feel your anxiety level cranking up, grab some headphones and tune in to your favorite music. Listening to music can have a very calming effect on your body and mind.

16. Dance it out

Get moving to your favorite tunes. Dancing has traditionally been used as a healing art. Research shows it’s a great way to combat depression and anxiety and increase quality of life.

17. Watch funny videos

Sometimes laughter really is the best medicine. Research has found that laughing provides therapeutic benefits and can help relieve stress and improve mood and quality of life. Do a quick internet search to find funny videos for an instant mood boost.

18. Write it down

If you’re too angry or anxious to talk about it, grab a journal and write out your thoughts. Don’t worry about complete sentences or punctuation — just write. Writing helps you get negative thoughts out of your head.

19. Squeeze a stress ball

When you’re feeling stress come on, try interacting with a stress-relief toy. Options include:

  • stress ball
  • magnetic balls
  • sculpting clay
  • puzzles
  • Rubik’s cube
  • fidget spinner

20. Try aromatherapy

Aromatherapy, or the use of essential oils, may help alleviate stress and anxiety and boost mood. Those commonly used in aromatherapy include:

  • bergamot
  • cedarwood
  • chamomile
  • geranium
  • ginger
  • lavender
  • lemon
  • tea tree

Add a few drops of essential oil to a diffuser, or mix it with a carrier oil (like coconut oil) and apply to your skin for quick relief.

21. Seek social support

Venting to a trusted friend, family member, or coworker can do wonders. Even if you don’t have time for a full play-by-play phone call, a quick text exchange can help you let it all out and help you feel heard.

(Video) Anger Management Tips || Top ways to deal with anger issues | Dr. Hansaji Yogendra

Bonus points if you engage with a funny friend who can help you laugh for added stress relief.

22. Spend time with a pet

Interacting with your favorite furry friend can decrease levels of the stress hormone cortisol and lower blood pressure. Quality time with a pet can also help you feel less alone and boost your overall mood.

FAQs

How to Calm Down: 22 Things to Do When You’re Anxious or Angry? ›

Your anger may be standing in for an emotion that makes you feel less powerful, says Appio, such as fear, hurt, or embarrassment. Try to breathe through your rage without acting on it, and talk yourself through the feelings that are buried beneath your anger.

How do you calm yourself down when angry and anxious? ›

When stress, anxiety or fear flare up, these 9 techniques help keep you calmer.
  1. Just breathe. ...
  2. Close your eyes and count to 10 slowly. ...
  3. Chew a piece of gum. ...
  4. Phone a friend – preferably a funny one. ...
  5. Smell lavender. ...
  6. Curl up with your cat or dog. ...
  7. Listen to calming music. ...
  8. Exercise your body.
Jan 7, 2021

How do you calm down when everything is too much? ›

Six Ways to Calm Down When Feeling Overwhelmed
  1. Take a short walk. Exercise can be a great stress reliever because it helps you blow off steam and releases endorphins even if you have just five or ten minutes. ...
  2. Breathe deeply. ...
  3. Visualize relief. ...
  4. Relax your muscles. ...
  5. Write it down. ...
  6. Drink some water.

Why can't I calm down when angry? ›

Your anger may be standing in for an emotion that makes you feel less powerful, says Appio, such as fear, hurt, or embarrassment. Try to breathe through your rage without acting on it, and talk yourself through the feelings that are buried beneath your anger.

How do you calm down when you're overwhelmed? ›

Try some of these tips when you're feeling overwhelmed:
  1. Take a deep breath and step away. If you're feeling overwhelmed or anxious, a quick way to begin to alleviate those feelings is by doing breathing exercises. ...
  2. Create a “no” list. ...
  3. Be kind to yourself. ...
  4. Ask for help from a loved one. ...
  5. Write it out.
Mar 17, 2021

How do I control my anger and overthinking? ›

When you start feeling angry, try deep breathing, positive self-talk, or stopping your angry thoughts. Breathe deeply from your diaphragm. Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax" or "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply until the anger subsides.

How do you stop a mental breakdown fast? ›

10 Tips to Mindfully Survive a Nervous Breakdown
  1. Practice Meditation. Try to meditate at least once a day. ...
  2. Ask Friends for Help. ...
  3. Practice Self-Compassion. ...
  4. Common Humanity. ...
  5. Listen to Your Body. ...
  6. Reduce Technology. ...
  7. Communicate Your Needs. ...
  8. Dropping into the Present Moment.
Apr 6, 2016

How can I quiet my mind? ›

How to Quiet Your Mind
  1. Breathe. 1/14. We do this all the time, but to use your breathing to find stillness, be more careful and conscious about it. ...
  2. Watch Fish Swim. 2/14. ...
  3. Exercise. 3/14. ...
  4. Listen to Music. 4/14. ...
  5. Help Someone. 5/14. ...
  6. Go Outdoors. 6/14. ...
  7. Progressive Muscle Relaxation. 7/14. ...
  8. Hang Out With a Dog. 8/14.
Nov 30, 2022

Why am I so full of rage? ›

Stressful events, such as work pressure, financial problems, or relationship issues, could cause anger and frustration. Also, lack of sleep or physical exhaustion might make you more irritable and prone to anger. Solutions: Practice self-care by getting enough sleep, exercising, and eating a healthy diet.

Why do I get irritated and angry so easily? ›

It's common to feel irritable from time to time, but if you feel unusually irritable or irritable all the time or on edge, it is important that you talk to your doctor as it could be a symptom of a mental health condition, like depression, anxiety or bipolar disorder, or a physical condition.

What emotion is behind anger? ›

Anger is a secondary emotion

Typically, we experience a primary emotion like fear, loss, or sadness first. Because these emotions create feelings of vulnerability and loss of control, they make us uncomfortable. One way of attempting to deal with these feelings is by subconsciously shifting into anger.

What is emotional overload? ›

Emotional overload often comes from having conflicting feelings, too many feelings happening at once, or not being able to act based on your gut feelings. We have emotions for a reason – they're there to tell us something.

What mental disorders cause anxiety? ›

Examples of anxiety disorders include generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder (social phobia), specific phobias and separation anxiety disorder. You can have more than one anxiety disorder. Sometimes anxiety results from a medical condition that needs treatment.

How can I relax and be happy? ›

How to be happier
  1. Manage your stress levels. If you have a lot of stress in your life, find ways to reduce it, such as learning a few time-management techniques. ...
  2. Enjoy yourself. ...
  3. Boost your self-esteem. ...
  4. Have a healthy lifestyle. ...
  5. Talk and share. ...
  6. Build your resilience.

Why do I have so much anger and anxiety? ›

Anxiety is often connected with overstimulation from a stressful environment or threat, combined with the perceived inability to deal with that threat. In contrast, anger is often tied to frustration. Often when anxiety is left unacknowledged and unexpressed, it can turn into frustration, which can lead to anger.

What are the signs of a nervous breakdown? ›

feel overwhelmed — unable to concentrate or make decisions. be moody — feeling low or depression; feeling burnt out; emotional outbursts of uncontrollable anger, fear, helplessness or crying. feel depersonalised — not feeling like themselves or feeling detached from situations.

What's a psychotic break? ›

Typically, a psychotic break indicates the first onset of psychotic symptoms for a person or the sudden onset of psychotic symptoms after a period of remission. Symptoms may include delusional thoughts and beliefs, auditory and visual hallucinations, and paranoia.

What does the Bible say about a quiet mind? ›

30 A quiet mind is the life of the body, but envy is a disease in the bones. 31 He who is hard on the poor puts shame on his Maker; but he who has mercy on those who are in need gives him honour.

How do you detach from thoughts? ›

One powerful way to control our thoughts is by using the practice of detaching from and observing our thoughts. When we develop mindfulness, through meditation and other practices, we discover that we can detach from our thoughts enough to be able to observe them, learn from them, and keep them from overpowering us.

How do I let out extreme rage? ›

10 Healthy Ways to Release Rage
  1. Throw or break something (safely). via GIPHY. ...
  2. Scream – in private. via GIPHY. ...
  3. Sing it out. via GIPHY. ...
  4. Dance it out. via GIPHY. ...
  5. Do a tough workout. via GIPHY. ...
  6. Journal. via GIPHY. ...
  7. Draw or paint. via GIPHY. ...
  8. Change your surroundings. via GIPHY.

Why do I snap so easily? ›

It could be something as simple as being hungry or tired. Or, maybe something recently happened in your life that has you feeling scared, angry, or stressed out. Mental health struggles can also make you irritable, so if you haven't taken one of our mental health test yet, try that.

Why do I cry when I'm mad? ›

When you get mad, your body produces a flood of hormones that stimulate strong reactions in your body — everything from a racing heart to sweaty palms to short-term memory loss. In response to the elevated stress level, you may cry.

What are the 3 types of anger? ›

There are three types of anger which help shape how we react in a situation that makes us angry. These are: Passive Aggression, Open Aggression, and Assertive Anger. If you are angry, the best approach is Assertive Anger.

What drugs cause anger and irritability? ›

Drug classes most commonly associated with aggressive ADRs are anti-epileptic drugs, antidepres- sants, immunomodulatory drugs, and benzodiazepines. Many drugs may cause aggressive behavior though multiple theorized modes of action.

What lies beneath anger? ›

It's known as “the Anger Iceberg,” because it shows other emotions and feelings that may lurk below the surface. Sometimes it's embarrassment, loneliness, depression, or fear. Other times, it's a combination of several feelings.

What does the Bible say about anger? ›

In Ephesians 4:26-27, we are told to "be angry but do not sin." This means that we can express our anger in positive ways, without letting it turn into hatred or revenge. We are also told in James 1:19-20 to be "slow to anger," which means that we should think before we react in moments of frustration or rage.

What is your anger telling you? ›

Anger Can Be a Necessary and Useful Emotion:

At its core anger alerts us to threats and tells us when one of our fundamental needs has gone unmet or has been squashed. In doing so anger makes it clear to us who we are.

Why am I so messed up mentally? ›

Feeling heightened emotions or like you're unable to control your emotions can come down to diet choices, genetics, or stress. It can also be due to an underlying health condition, such as a mood disorder or hormones.

What happens when you mentally shut down? ›

It affects your confidence and self-awareness, as well as how you interact and communicate with others. You may feel numb or disembodied at times - unable to connect to your bodily sensations, express your emotions or maintain feelings of intimacy.

What is high functioning anxiety? ›

Instead, high-functioning anxiety typically refers to someone who experiences anxiety while still managing daily life quite well. Generally, a person with high-functioning anxiety may appear put together and well- accomplished on the outside, yet experience worry, stress or have obsessive thoughts on the inside.

Who suffers most from anxiety disorders? ›

Women are more than twice as likely as men to get an anxiety disorder in their lifetime. Anxiety disorders are often treated with counseling, medicine, or a combination of both. Some women also find that yoga or meditation helps with anxiety disorders.

What does anxiety feel like in your head? ›

Anxiety causes a heavy head feeling because of tension headaches common in people living with the disorder. Most people describe these headaches as feeling like a tight band wrapped around their heads. A tightening of the scalp and neck muscles also causes an anxiety headache.

How can I destress myself? ›

Advertisement
  1. Get active. Virtually any form of physical activity can act as a stress reliever. ...
  2. Meditate. ...
  3. Laugh more. ...
  4. Connect with others. ...
  5. Assert yourself. ...
  6. Try yoga. ...
  7. Get enough sleep. ...
  8. Keep a journal.

Why can't I allow myself to relax? ›

Your emotional brain is overactive.

When the brain's emotional centers and fear centers are overactive, it can be associated with depression and anxiety. If you have this common brain pattern, you may stay busy as a way to distract yourself from your anxious thoughts and feelings of hopelessness.

Why do I get so angry and anxious? ›

Anxiety is often connected with overstimulation from a stressful environment or threat, combined with the perceived inability to deal with that threat. In contrast, anger is often tied to frustration. Often when anxiety is left unacknowledged and unexpressed, it can turn into frustration, which can lead to anger.

When anxiety comes out as anger? ›

With their body and mind overwhelmed with worry, the person can feel stressed and depleted of energy. This can make it difficult for them to shrug off or ignore things as they normally would be able to do. In turn, this can cause them to become more irritable and anger quicker.

Why do I get so angry when I'm anxious? ›

Anxiety disorder is more likely to result in anger than plain old anxiety because there's a build-up of stress over a prolonged period. For example, someone with Social Anxiety Disorder may become frustrated with someone if they steer the anxious individual toward an uncomfortable social environment.

What is anger anxiety called? ›

Overview. Intermittent explosive disorder involves repeated, sudden episodes of impulsive, aggressive, violent behavior or angry verbal outbursts in which you react grossly out of proportion to the situation.

How do I stop lashing out? ›

How to stop lashing out when you're hurting
  1. To act kindly, start with self-compassion. ...
  2. Identify triggers and deal with underlying emotions. ...
  3. Heed early physical signs of anger. ...
  4. Practice alternative behaviors. ...
  5. Act opposite from your urges.
Jul 12, 2022

How do I stop feeling angry and irritable all the time? ›

Start by considering these 10 anger management tips.
  1. Think before you speak. ...
  2. Once you're calm, express your concerns. ...
  3. Get some exercise. ...
  4. Take a timeout. ...
  5. Identify possible solutions. ...
  6. Stick with 'I' statements. ...
  7. Don't hold a grudge. ...
  8. Use humor to release tension.

What mental illness is anger issues? ›

Anger is present as a key criterion in five diagnoses within DSM-5: Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder.

Is anxiety a form of mental illness? ›

Anxiety disorders are the most common of mental disorders and affect nearly 30% of adults at some point in their lives. But anxiety disorders are treatable and a number of effective treatments are available. Treatment helps most people lead normal productive lives.

Videos

1. Here's what to do when you're triggered
(The Holistic Psychologist)
2. My System for Stopping Anxiety Attacks: 5 steps, 20+ Skills for Panic Attacks
(Therapy in a Nutshell)
3. How to Release Emotions Trapped in Your Body 10/30 How to Process Emotions Like Trauma and Anxiety
(Therapy in a Nutshell)
4. A JAPANESE METHOD TO RELAX IN 5 MINUTES
(BRIGHT SIDE)
5. Turn off Anxiety in Your Nervous System: 4 Ways to Turn on the Parasympathetic Response
(Therapy in a Nutshell)
6. 10 quick anxiety relief techniques
(Doctor Ali Mattu)

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